Friday, August 27, 2010

Movie Meme Day 27 - Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!


Day 27 - Best villain

There are a lot of incredible movie villains. My first thought actually was Voldemort. Evil, sinister, power hungry. What’s not to love?

But Voldemort doesn’t scare me. Freddy Krueger? In the original movie, oh dear god, yes. But did you see Freddy’s Dead? I rest my case.

A good villain scares the living shit out of me. I want to be so scared that he’s going to come after me that I sleep with my lights on.

Enter Candyman.

The movie came out in 1992, and I saw it not very long after it left theaters. Mind you, I was 10. TEN YEARS OLD. You want to talk trauma?

Have you heard Tony Todd’s voice? Tony Todd could go on Sesame Street and sing about vegetables with muppets and I would still. have. nightmares. His voice is like Barry White possessed by Satan. After Satan got bit by a rabid dog. And then fell down 25 flights of stairs. And landed on a bed of rusty nails.

In the rain.

I am not actually going to watch this video. I refuse. I have to go to sleep sometime tonight, and if I hear him say “Helen”, I will not be able to sleep. As it is, I may have trouble just because I’ve put the thought in my head.

Let’s discuss.

Mouth and body full of bees. BEES. Stingy stingy bees.

Hook for a hand. Not just a weak “Hey, lookie at me, I’m holdin’ a hook.” NO. Bloody stump + hook = hook for a hand.

And the real kicker. I almost put the creepy old guy from Poltergeist as best villain, but honestly, there really was not a villain in those movies. It was just, ooh, the creepy ghosts. However, seeing Poltergeist III at (yet again!) a young age instilled in me a serious fear of mirrors. Thank you, creators of Poltergeist who thought it would be a good idea to have the little girl’s reflection COME TO LIFE AND TRY TO RIP HER THROUGH THE MIRRROR.

You fuckers.

But guess how Candyman comes to life?

Oh yeah. Through a mirror.

I now need to watch Care Bears or Mean Girls or Bring it On and COMPLETELY forget about the sound of Tony Todd’s voice.

1 comment:

  1. I take it this gentleman doesn't take the sunrise, sprinkle it with dew, then cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two while drinking butterscotch tea out of an edible daffodil candy cup, does he.