Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Movie Meme Day 11: Kingdom of the Crystal Crap

Hi. The first thing I should tell you is that this is not your Bunny speaking. Bunny is off being all jet setting hot shit, so instead of Bunny goodness, you get me. Who the hell am I? I'm Lori. I've known Bunny for about a million years, and we like each other. Yes, we like each other like that, too. For all you pervs out there. If you'd like to like me too, I can be found on Twitter. I also blog over at Oh Shit, She's Awake.

But enough about me.

This is supposed to be about Meme. A movie meme to be exact.

Day 11 - A movie that disappointed you.

Oh, Indy.
Why? Why Indy, why?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull disappointed me more than almost any other. It shook me to my core; it broke my heart. It almost ripped apart the seams of my childhood. I wanted to like this movie. I wanted to like this movie so much that I was willing to forgive the fact that Shia LeBeouf was in it, playing Indy's son Mutt. Yeah, that's right. Mutt.

Shia LeBeouf of the Keanu Reeves school of acting, in which actors learn the fine craft of playing the same character in every film they are in. Seriously. Watch Transformers, then watch Crystal Skull. Same bumbling, idiotic character. Different clothes. Perhaps if they'd have had Shia naked in both movies, there's have been something to look at.

Or more likely, movie goers would have been wondering "where's the LeBeouf." Okay, that was bad even by my standards. But it was about as hackneyed as Shia's performance in Crystal Skull.

Cate Blanchette over-acted and over-accented her way into my "holy shit that was bad" hall of fame with her portrayal of the evil Irina. And that hair. Oh, the hair. Wrong on so very many levels.

Don't even get me started on the whole alien angle.

Aliens? Really?
Why'd it have to be... aliens.

As far as I'm concerned, the only saving grace for this movie was the reuniting of Ford's Indy with his long lost love Marion - played, thankfully, by the original Marion, Karen Allen. The spark from the very first movie was a most welcome sight. The dialogue came easily between the two. Almost like they'd successfully done it before or something.

And most unlike any of the strained and uncomfortable dialogue between any of the other characters.

Don't get me wrong. I still love Indy. I will always love Indy. He's a big part of my childhood. And I still love all of the other movies. It's just that this one was painful for me to watch. Not because the performances were sub-par. Not because the plot was unnecessarily complex.

Not even because Indy's gotten older. Hell, we've all gotten older. That doesn't mean that we can't still go on an adventure and kick a little ass.

What I missed was the sheer, undiluted joy of the first three. The sit back, relax and take me for a ride feeling that came along with the other Indy romps. Hell, even Temple of Doom was better, and that was the weakest of the first three films.

But it still had heart.

Crystal Skull lacked heart.

Maybe the aliens took it.

Stupid aliens.

Trailer for the movie that never really was.... *sigh*

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