It’s a bittersweet symphony, this life

 

“You were very much in love with her. And you're still in love with her. But it amused me to make you ashamed of it. You gave up on the first person you ever loved because I threatened your reputation. Don't you get it? You're just a toy, Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with. And now you've completely blown it with her. I think it's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

So, I assume you've come here to make arrangements. But unfortunately, I don't fuck losers.”

Fifteen years ago, I was a junior in high school. My sister and I decided to go to the movies together. She wanted to see The Rage: Carrie 2. I, being a brand new fan of a television show called Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was dying to see Cruel Intentions.

We saw both.

We both agreed my taste was, at least in the moment, impeccable.

In fifteen years, this movie has never once been bumped from my top five list. I’ve watched it repeatedly, sometimes multiple times in one sitting. After it came out on VHS (yes, I said VHS), I brought it with me to sleepovers and made friends watch and fall in love with these amazing characters.

              

Sebastian, the damaged bad boy you couldn’t help but love. Celeste, who I think we were supposed to root for, but whose torture I could never get enough of. Ronald, the poor shmuck who got caught in the tangled cluster fuck that was Sebastian versus Catherine. The soundtrack, which is flawless.

I cared little for Annette. She was a goody two shoes, better than thou pretentious twit. But the scene where she makes faces in the car and makes Sebastian laugh was a regular rewind scene that always cracked me up.

And there was Catherine.

Catherine Merteuil. Ice princess. All around Queen Bitch. And I loved her desperately. I loved her at her best, and I worshipped her at her worst. I wanted her life. Her ice blue bedroom, her impeccable wardrobe.

That crucifix.

This movie will never get old for me. And if seeing it in theaters fifteen years ago makes me old, I’m good with it.

Peace out.

(Gifs from Fuck Yeah, Cruel Intentions on Tumblr)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: 20 Years

Twenty years.

Twenty years ago, I was 10 years old. In fact, I was 10 years and five days old.

I didn’t see the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer until after it came out on cable. I know, it’s a shocker. I’m so up to date on movies, how can this possibly be?

The first time I watched it, I was immediately in love. I loved Buffy. I really loved Pike. I loved Merrick (the first time I loved Donald Sutherland, certainly not the last). I loved Pee Wee the Vampire. There was no bad for me.

And it was the one and only time in her entire career I liked Hilary Swank.

One girl in all the world. Sure, she had to put up with unsightly birth marks, and extremely painful crampy radar, but she was a badass. My love for acrobatics in movies started early, so all of her tumbling and cartwheeling was some of my favorite bits.

And she was funny! I quoted that movie so much, my friends threatened physical violence.

“I have no sense of history?! He wears a brown tie!”

“Does Elvis talk to you? Does he tell you to do things? Do you see spots?”

“We’re immortal, Buffy. We can do anything!” “Oh, yeah? Clap.”

Yeah, I was a very, very big fan of the show.

Which is why, five years later, when the WB announced a television show was going to premiere, based on this movie, my answer was a big, fat, resounding oh hay-ell, no.

It took about two years for me to give it a shot, and realize I was a moron. And in the twelve or so years I’ve been a fan of the television show, I’ve come to realize that the opinion regarding the movie is extreme. Most people hate it. With a firey passion.

I still love it. Unironically, in fact. I acknowledge that Joss hated it, and in comparison with the TV show, it is pretty awful. But it doesn’t stop me from loving the ever holy hell out of it.

I’ve been a fan of Buffy, in one form or the other, for 20 years now.

Yes. I feel awfully old. But it’s a proud old.

Side note: I told my niece we were watching something very important tonight, for the sole reason that as of today, it’s been out 20 years.

As I was putting it in, I said, “This is the movie that started it all.”

“…is that the name of it?”

 

And lastly, here’s a picture of Seth Green from a deleted scene. Dorky vamp FTW.

Movie weekend - Based on a True Story

I’m a bit rusty when it comes to blogging.

It’s just been too long since I updated regularly. Sad, considering I saw the two best movies of the year (decade), The Hunger Games and The Avengers in their opening weekends, loved them enough to shriek about them, and yet.

The entries are coming. Probably next year. Le sigh.

But in order to exercise my blogging muscles, let’s have an entry about the movies I’ve watched this weekend. Some newish, one older. I just finished the book Based on a True Story, which takes movies famously based on a true story, and dissects them. It added a rather large amount of movies to my must-see list, including the first one under the cut.

Without meaning to, the following three movies are all based on true (or could-be-true) events. It was an accident, but a happy one.

If nothing else, this entry may reawaken my love to ramble.

I’m right on top of that, Rose

Dammit, RyAn.

So, today yesterday was the 20th anniversary of Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead. One of the greatest comedies of all time, with a cast that, with two exceptions, has slunk into blissful oblivion, yet will always, in my mind, be associated with this movie that I loved and cherished and was just thinking about last night as I was trying to go to sleep and ignore the cat pouncing on my head.

And RyAn chooses MIDNIGHT to inform me of this knowledge.

RyAn is a fucker. But I love him. And of course, he takes the only real promo image available, so I’m stuck with a watermarked title image. Really, love him.

I remember exactly where I was the first time I watched this movie. It was almost immediately after my parents’ divorce, and my mother, sister, and I were living in our first place away from Psycho Puppy Killer. We watched this movie, and I nearly peed myself laughing. As I grew older ('Cause I was 8?), and kept watching, I’d catch things I’d missed, and find it even more hilarious.

I loved Sue Ellen. And as a child of the late 80’s-early 90’s, thought she was so stylish.

 

Commence mockery in 5…4…3…2…

 

 

But apart from the horrendous fashion in the movie, this is truly a classic. I have bonded repeatedly with people over this. This is a movie where, if I bust out a quote in a random situation, and no one gets it? I know I am surrounded by idiots.

Walking through a grocery store with my friend Ashlie.

“Every girl over 25 needs a cucumber in the house.”

She got it.

Working at the horrible cable company, stressed out of my mind, and I get asked a question.

“I’m right on top of that, Rose!”

Peals of laughter. It became the new office catch phrase. We wrote it all over the office.

And of course, the classic line that can never be overused.

“The dishes are done, man.”

Whatever happened to these people? With the exception of Christina Applegate and David Duchovny, they have all been relegated to “Hey It’s That Guy” status. Which, to be frank, is sad and appalling.

(WARNING. That link goes to TV Tropes. Unless you have an extremely strong willpower, or 8 hours to spend on the internet, don’t click it)

I can never see this movie enough. And I wish someone had told me earlier that I should’ve watched it to celebrate today.

If I owned it on DVD. Which I just realize I don’t. Damn.

September 2, 2010 (90210)

I was born in 1982. I may have been a child of the 80’s, but the majority of my pre-adult life took place in the 90’s. And oh, how I was a fan of Beverly Hills 90210.

I started watching because of my sister. She was four years older than I was, and she did everything before I did. She was a fan of Bon Jovi and Nirvana first. She understood what was happening in Dirty Dancing before I did. My sister and I may have one of the worst relationships of any siblings (short of the Menendez brothers), but if it weren’t for her, I might have missed out on a lot of really amazing things that took place in the 80’s and 90’s.

I watched this show religiously. It premiered in 1990, when I was eight years old. So obviously, I did NOT understand what the hell was going on. I knew two things.

Movie Meme Day 29 - You’re watching that AGAIN?

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 29 - Movie you have watched more than ten times

Favorite guilty pleasure movie? Check.

Favorite movie villain? Check. Movie that makes you laugh every time? Check. Movie that makes you cry every time? Check. Best scene ever? Check check check check. Thought you wouldn’t like it and were wrong? Check. Soundtrack/Background music? Check. Movie Cast? Quote? Check. Check. Check.

Yeah. I’ve seen Cruel Intentions a few times more than 10. Like 10 times more than 10.

This movie came out in 1999, and it still looks modern. The wardrobe is not specific to a certain decade, there’s no teen vernacular to worry about. This movie can be shown in 2019 and I truly believe it would still work.

There is no part of this movie I do not like. There is no part of this movie that cannot be quoted of context and still be amazing. A coworker of mine loved for me to quote Joshua Jackson’s famous line on an almost weekly basis.

Blaine: He used to sneak into my dorm room drunk every night. We'd go at it for a little while, and then, as soon as he'd come, he'd start freaking out. "What are you doing, man? If you tell anybody, I'm gonna kick your ass!" God. The only reason I let him keep up the charade is because the man's got a mouth like a HOOVER!

There’s a line missing in that quote. It also goes missing when I quote it aloud.

I saw this in the theater, when I was a Junior in high school. I promptly made all of my friends watch it, and they agreed that it was amazing. The cast alone is fantastic.

Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a cold ass bitch better than anyone I have ever seen. She is so cool and psychotic in this movie, it makes you wonder about what she’s like in real life.

Kathryn: You were very much in love with her. And you're still in love with her. But it amused me to make you ashamed of it. You gave up on the first person you ever loved because I threatened your reputation. Don't you get it? You're just a toy, Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with. And now you've completely blown it with her. I think it's the saddest thing I've ever heard. So, I assume you've come here to make arrangements. But unfortunately, I don't fuck losers.

Ryan Phillipe goes from the cad to the flawed hero seamlessly. He gets all of the best lines in this movie, and he plays snotty spoiled rich boy with ease. Sebastian is the quintessential player, and I can totally see me dropping by panties for him.

Mrs. Sugarman: Oh! We played backgammon?
Sebastian: Uh huh. You beat me three times.
Mrs. Sugarman: I did?
Sebastian: Yup. Then I fucked your daughter.
Mrs. Sugarman: Excuse me?
Sebastian: I said, would you care for some water?
Mrs. Sugarman: No, thank you.

Reese Witherspoon starts out insanely boring, but by the time Sebastian breaks her heart, you’re crying right along with her. In the scene where she makes faces at Sebastian in the car, I was nearly peeing on myself laughing. I can see her making those faces in real life, and the director asking her to recreate them in the car.

Selma Blair is just…her role is pure comedic genius. I’ve never enjoyed her in a role as much as I loved her in this. I can’t stand her in movies, but she is amazing in this as the witless foible.

Cecile: This sure doesn't taste like an iced tea.
Sebastian: It's from Long Island.

Hmm. I think it’s time for a rewatch now, in fact.

Movie Meme Day 27 - Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

Day 27 - Best villain

There are a lot of incredible movie villains. My first thought actually was Voldemort. Evil, sinister, power hungry. What’s not to love?

But Voldemort doesn’t scare me. Freddy Krueger? In the original movie, oh dear god, yes. But did you see Freddy’s Dead? I rest my case.

A good villain scares the living shit out of me. I want to be so scared that he’s going to come after me that I sleep with my lights on.

Enter Candyman.

The movie came out in 1992, and I saw it not very long after it left theaters. Mind you, I was 10. TEN YEARS OLD. You want to talk trauma?

Have you heard Tony Todd’s voice? Tony Todd could go on Sesame Street and sing about vegetables with muppets and I would still. have. nightmares. His voice is like Barry White possessed by Satan. After Satan got bit by a rabid dog. And then fell down 25 flights of stairs. And landed on a bed of rusty nails.

In the rain.

I am not actually going to watch this video. I refuse. I have to go to sleep sometime tonight, and if I hear him say “Helen”, I will not be able to sleep. As it is, I may have trouble just because I’ve put the thought in my head.

Let’s discuss.

Mouth and body full of bees. BEES. Stingy stingy bees.

Hook for a hand. Not just a weak “Hey, lookie at me, I’m holdin’ a hook.” NO. Bloody stump + hook = hook for a hand.

And the real kicker. I almost put the creepy old guy from Poltergeist as best villain, but honestly, there really was not a villain in those movies. It was just, ooh, the creepy ghosts. However, seeing Poltergeist III at (yet again!) a young age instilled in me a serious fear of mirrors. Thank you, creators of Poltergeist who thought it would be a good idea to have the little girl’s reflection COME TO LIFE AND TRY TO RIP HER THROUGH THE MIRRROR.

You fuckers.

But guess how Candyman comes to life?

Oh yeah. Through a mirror.

I now need to watch Care Bears or Mean Girls or Bring it On and COMPLETELY forget about the sound of Tony Todd’s voice.

Movie Meme Day 26 - Do what?

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 26 - Freakishly weird movie ending

I’m still extremely confused by the ending of Lost Highway. In fact, I’m extremely confused by the movie in general.

This movie came out in 1997. I rented it solely because Marilyn Manson was in it. Let’s just throw the skeleton from the closet right now, I used to be a huge Marilyn Manson fan. I still enjoy the music (pre Mechanical Animals, anyway), but I’m not quite as hardcore as I was then. And to be fair, I wasn’t all that hardcore then, either. No black lipstick and goth gear.

But I was so excited to see this. I mean, the cast on this film. Bill Pullman, Patricia Arquette, Henry Rollins, Robert Blake. These are pretty big names in one movie.

I’d never seen a David Lynch project before this, but I heard he likes to create mind fuckers. So I was very interested.

I watched the movie several times over. And I still don’t understand what the hell it’s about.

One of the summaries from IMDB states:

Fred Madison, a saxophonist, is accused under mysterious circumstances of murdering his wife Renee. On death row, he inexplicably morphs into a young man named Pete Dayton, leading a completely different life. When Pete is released, his and Fred's paths begin to cross in a surreal, suspenseful web of intrigue, orchestrated by a shady gangster boss named Dick Laurent.

Have you seen the movie? That helps exactly none.

Needless to say, the ending to the film resolves nothing. NO.THING. Whatsoever. “Dick Laurent is dead.” Great! We’ve come full circle. What the fuck does THAT MEAN?!

I think the only way to understand this film is to kidnap David Lynch, hog tie him, and force him to sit next to you and explain it, piece by piece.

Movie Meme Day 19 - Whatta cast

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 19 - Best movie cast

How could any movie possibly be higher than Can’t Hardly Wait on the list of best movie cast? I don’t understand how that’s possible, especially for anyone whose teen heyday was the 1990’s.

Before I say anyone else, let’s cover the BTVS alumni featured in here.

• Seth Green (Oz) - Kenny
• Amber Benson (Tara) - Stoned Girl (aka Banana girl)
• Eric Balfour (Jesse) - Stoned Boy (aka Brownie boy)
• Paige Moss (Veruca) - Ashley (“Chester Cheatah!”)
• Clea DuVall (Marcie) - Jana (“I’m allergic to dancing”)
• Nicole Bilderback (Unnamed Cordette) - Ready to have sex girl
• Christopher Wiehl (Owen) - One of the guys hitting on Amanda
• John Patrick White (Pete) - Tassel Guy

That’s a HELL of a lot of amazing actors, and all but one are background actors.

Jennifer Love Hewitt, who was one of the reining scream queens of the 90’s. Ethan Embry. Lauren Ambrose. Charlie Korsmo, who will always be The Kid from Dick Tracey for me. Along with Seth Green, they are the big players, and they’re huge. Then you have Peter Facinnelli, who I didn’t have a problem with until he signed on for Twilight.

Melissa Joan Hart, Channon Roe, Sean Patrick Thomas, Donald Faison, Jaime Presley, Jason Segel (pre HIMYM), Selma Blair, Sarah Rue, Jennifer Elise Cox, Jerry O’Connell.

If ever there was a stacked cast? This is it. Almost every big named teen actor of that time was in this movie. And rather than just being a movie shoved full of them, it’s hilariously funny and smart in it's own right. It makes you wish this was your post-high school graduation experience.

I’m still rather bitter it wasn’t mine.

Movie Memes Day 17 and 18 - Home again

I was on an airplane for hour after hour yesterday. Today I was just lazy.

Know what happens when you procrastinate? Someone steals your answers before you can even think of them.

Day 17 - Favorite series of related movies

My first answer was Lord of the Rings. But SOMEONE stole that answer. So I had to use my brain again. Back to the Future? No, I (sadly) hated the third movie. Scream? God, that third movie sucked. Poltergeist? If I think about it enough to see if it’s a favorite, I’ll give myself nightmares. Then there’s Pirates of the Caribbean, which…wait…

Why didn’t I think of that one first?

If it hasn’t been mentioned before, I love Johnny Depp more than I love having a head. And while it was weird as HELL to get used to Orlando Bloom without ice blonde hair and elf ears, he rapidly grew on me. And they are absolutely amazing in these movies. The outer actors, as I think of them, like Keira Knightley, Geoffrey Rush, and Bill Nighy only add to the fun of the entire experience.

A lot of people I talk to didn’t care for the third movie. I loved all of the movies, no exception. I don’t know if the fourth movie has been confirmed yet, but I am ready, willing, and have my drool cup ready.

 Day 18 - Favorite title sequence

My mother saw Se7en in the movie theater without me. I don’t think I ever really forgave her for that, because I desperately wanted to see it.

To be fair, I wanted to see it because Brad Pitt was in it, not because I was so blown away by the plot.

This may be the most beautifully fucked up movie ever made. There are many fucked up movies in the world, don’t get me wrong. But this movie is smart, and artistic, and brilliantly written. It’s not your average thriller by a long shot. Despite the fact that this is a seriously gory movie, you don’t see the worst bits. And that’s what makes it so amazing. And the opening title sequence sets that up for you.

I also love the soundtrack, the reverse sound of Closer by Nine Inch Nails. Most people wouldn’t even realize it was the song until Trent Reznor’s amazing voice lurches out “You get me closer to god”. It’s a brilliant opener to an amazing movie.

Movie Meme Days 14 - 16: Blame NY

I would be able to do this meme daily. I would. If it weren't for Central Park, Renaissance fairs, bagels, 8-inch knives, and watermelons.

There's a story to everything, this blog is not the time.

Day 14 - Favorite film in black and white

I suppose technically this would be considered a cheat, because while Clerks is indeed in black and white, it was also made in 1994, after the point when black and white movies didn't really happen anymore.

But I think the black and white aspect is part of the charm. This really was a group of friends putting together a movie. Kevin Smith is a genius when it comes to movie making (we're going to ignore Jersey Girl for the moment), and as his first movie, it's all you need to convince someone to watch the entirety of his film making career. It's sharp, funny, and in black and white, you really focus on what's being said as opposed to any attempt at flash or special effects. It's stark and just extreme amounts of fun.

Day 15 - Best musical

I'm a music baby. I grew up with music in my house, I've been going to concerts since I was around six years old. I live for good music. Ergo, musicals are heaven to me. I love musicals, and they love me. So I have a lot to choose from. Which means that I'm trying to think of a musical I love more than Across The Universe. I'm failing miserably.

It's Beatles songs. FABULOUS Beatles songs, like "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and "Happiness is a Warm Gun". Music altered, sung by different people, but still so beautiful as to make you cry, or make you smile. The acting that is built around the songs is also amazing. From the frat boys singing "With a Little Help From My Friend" to Max yelling, "Hey Judie, Judie, Judie Judie Judie" to go along with the lyrics, this movie made me smile so much. And also see above re: crying. "Let it Be" makes me cry on my best day. Set to the scene it is in this movie? I cry just thinking about it.

I love AtU for the same reasons I love Moulin Rouge. Contemporary songs redone, and also amazing scenery and color choices. But AtU squeaks by as my favorite. Just wonderful.

Day 16 - Your guilty pleasure movie

Karen: "I can't go out. ::cough:: I'm sick."
Regina: "Boo, you whore."

Janis: "Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness?"

Karen: "Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now."

Gretchen: "Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white."

Regina: "Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!"

Scary Homeschooling Boy: "And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals."

Gretchen: "Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!"

Regina: "I CAN'T GO TO TACO BELL, I'M ON AN ALL-CARB DIET. God, Karen, you are SO stupid!"

Movie Meme Days 12 and 13: New York State of Mind

First of all, let's give it up for Lori for so generously guest blogging day 11's meme entry. Lori is the bomb, if you're not reading her blog, get your ass over there.

I was going to post yesterday's blog entry, but I was stuck in an Atlanta airport for literally 5 hours, with a "you have to pay" wifi system that I wasn't feeling. I managed to sneak one hour of time, but any more would've pushed my luck. So, two in one. Also, the next four or five days' worth of entries will be live from New York.

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 12 - Best soundtrack/background music in a scene

I'm not even going to lie. Bring it On is one of my favorite movies. I love the energy, the sass, the sarcasm. I've also discussed my love for good choreography, and a movie about cheerleading is all about the dance and movement.

The soundtrack is fabulous. I don't think there's one song on there I don't like. All throughout the movie you get these great songs, not including the original cheer at the beginning that will get stuck in your head faster than a commercial jingle. Parts of these songs play throughout, and you groove on them without realizing it while watching.

Then, in the final cheerleading scene, all of those songs are mashed together to make up the song they perform to. I was absolutely tickled pink by this. From Blaque's "As If" to Smashmouth's "Freaking Me". It's just a great use of a soundtrack, and I think it made the final performance even more fun to watch.

Love. Love love love this movie. And only 3/4 because Eliza's in it.

















Day 13 - Favorite animated movie

This is another one of those that doesn't require a moment's hesitation. I still have the ticket stub from seeing The Little Mermaid in the theater when I was a little girl.

As a little girl, I loved it because Ariel is pretty, the movie is funny, and there's singing. But growing up, the message just resonated so beautifully with me. Who doesn't want to experience something they don't have? There's so much in the world you want to do, and there's always something that's trying to hold you back, and you fight against it.

Ariel didn't want to go to the surface to meet a boy. She wanted to learn. She wanted to know about books and fire and the way humans live. Finding a cute boy was just another thing to motivate her on.

Ursula is my favorite Disney villain. First of all, she's a BBW. Then, she's purple and evil. Oh, she's so much fun.

I got involved with a debate on a favorite website of mine some time back about this movie. A woman didn't like that Ariel has to give up her voice for a boy. She felt it wasn't empowering. I felt she completely missed the point of the movie.

If you listen to the lyrics of Poor Unfortunate Soul, it's telling you right there the anti-message of the movie.

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore!
Yet on land it's much prefered for ladies not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle babble for?
Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who get's a man

So Ariel gives up her voice. And she meets Eric, and he thinks she's so freaking beautiful, but he really can't get into her because he doesn't know who she is. She can't talk to him. Once she gets her voice back and can speak again, he falls in love with her.

It's a fairy tale way to get to the point, but I like those.

I also love and can sing the words to every song on the soundtrack. I had it on a CD when my niece was very very little with other Disney songs, and my favorite one to sing to her while driving was Les Poissons. I did the overly exaggerated French accent, and she loved when I would shriek the "Hee hee hee haw haw haw!" parts.

And then there's Part of Your World, which you can catch me singing at random sometimes when I think no one is around.

Final note: My hairdresser, who diligently dyes my hair dark red as often as I can afford it, has a gorgeous little girl about my niece's age. I've babysat her before, so she knows my name. But hairdresser has another client with my name, as well. So her daughter has a way to differentiate us.

I'm the one with "Ariel hair".

I love my hairdresser's little girl.

Movie Meme Day 10 - How do you like them apples?

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 10 - A movie you thought you wouldn't like but ended up loving

No, TBF. I am not watching Good Will Hunting. Why? Because it looks stupid.

No. No. No. Why? Why would I want to watch any movie with Matt Damon in it? Or Ben Affleck when Kevin Smith’s name isn’t attached to the picture?

No. No. No. Look, I brought other movies for us to watch! Let’s watch Can’t Hardly Wait again! Or Rock of Love, which I despise! Or paint dry!

Please no?

Come ON, I watched Shrek 3 for you! Why must you make me watch movies I don’t want to?

FINE. FINE. But if I hate it, it’s on your head.

Well, that was funny.

Okay, that was sweet.

OMG he is not singing “Afternoon Delight”!

Awwww. That was sweet.

Okay, I’m an idiot.

--

The best friend lives for me telling her I’m an idiot and she was right. As do I, for the record.

Movie Meme Day 6: Something in my eye

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 06 - Movie that makes you cry every time

I love these questions that are quick answers.

I don’t know how old I was the first time I saw Fried Green Tomatoes. It came out in ‘91, and if I saw it then, I don’t think I felt the full impact for many years.

I know I watched it with my mother, because we attempted to cook fried green tomatoes on our own. They did not fair well in our hands.

This movie is so light and funny, while being so heart wrenching with a very severe message all at the same time. This movie covers so many different levels of pain, from severe racism to death and dismemberment. But above all else, it’s a story about friendship.

Anyone who knows me knows just how deeply I cherish friendships. I don’t waste my time with acquaintances. You’re either a very close friend, or you’re just someone whose name I know. If you’re my friend, you’re mine. I will chew through steel bars to protect you. My mama lion instincts come out hardcore for friends. And because of that, this movie drags out all of my tears, kicking and screaming.

The relationship between Ruth and Idgie is my favorite friendship in any movie or television show in history. One could look at it as a lesbian relationship, and yes, I can see that angle. But my relationship with TBF gets transfered onto theirs, so I see it as a gorgeous, true deep friendship.

I was horrified to discover that TBF had never seen this movie. I rented it, and sat down at her house with a box of kleenex between us. And I was not surprised to see her grab one out of the corner of my eye.

My two favorite (heart wrenching) quotes from the movie:

Mr. Percy: Why did you go with Idgie Threadgoode?
Ruth: Because she... she's the best friend I ever had, and I love her.

Sipsey: Miss Ruth was a lady. And a lady always knows when to leave.

I’m tearing up now, in fact.

A beautiful movie, with amazing humor and soul ripping sadness.

Movie Meme Day 5: Burn the reels

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 05 - Movie you loathe

Ask me my favorite movie, and I’m going to need a minute to work my thoughts out.

But a movie that I hate? A movie that makes me want to punch the writers, directors, crew, and entire cast?

Yeah, that’s not really a problem for me.

I did not pay money to see There’s Something About Mary in theaters. My mother’s boyfriend rented it well after the fact, and I remember watching it with them, and not laughing even one time throughout the entire film.

This movie was the start of my hatred for all of the actors in it. And when I say I hate them, I mean I really, truly cannot stand the sound of their voice nor the site of their face.

There is nothing amusing about this film. It goes for the stupid jokes each and every time. From the cock and balls stuck in the zipper, to the hair, to the flattened leathery old lady tits. Really? You couldn’t have worked a little harder? Comedies have been around for centuries. If you can’t come up with your own original idea, steal from the best. Don’t throw a bunch of shit together and hope it works.

I despise Cameron Diaz. Her entire persona makes me want to claw her eyes out. Ben Stiller has not been in one decent movie. And Matt Dillon lost any sense of respect I had for him up to this point.

The time I spent watching this movie is time I will never get back. And I’ll never forgive these people for that.

This isn’t the only movie I could’ve chosen from. It actually was a tie between this and South Park: The Movie. There’s also American Pie, though that gets a by because of Alyson Hannigan.

For anyone who anticipated me saying Twilight, I honestly did consider it. However, I said at the beginning that this bullshit would not be discussed at length in this blog. I know eventually that rule will be broken, but not yet. Plus I haven’t seen (nor will I see) the shitty ass movie.

Movie Meme Day 4: What are you laughin’ at?

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 04 - Movie that makes you laugh every time

This one is no contest. From the first time I watched this movie, and every time since, I laugh my coddamn ass off at Liar, Liar.

This movie goes against everything I’m amused by. I hate actors who are overacting hams. Will Ferrell makes my spine ache from his stupidity. I cannot stand Steve Carrell. And in almost all of his roles, Jim Carrey is so overly that I just want to slap him and tell him to knock it the fuck off.

But in this movie, he is absolute perfection. This movie is always my go-to when I’m aggravated, or need a good laugh. The jokes run through my head, and when my mother’s goddaughter was little, we used to do “The Claw” to her, and have her just dying of giggles.

The plot line is fabulous, and so simple you wonder, “Why didn’t I write that?” Not only is it someone who cannot tell a lie no matter what, it’s a lawyer who can’t lie. Brilliant! And he’s a total fucker, which means it’s so deeply ingrained in him that telling the truth is nearly painful.

Jim Carrey does a beautiful job of showing how hard it is for him to tell the truth. The faces that irked me in Ace Ventura were exactly what was needed here. The reactions of everyone around him to his truth telling were also enough to have you peeing on yourself.

There isn’t a down moment. Even when you’re feeling horrible for Max for having such a shitty father, you’re picked back up by the humor.

Some of my favorite moments:

Do you know why I pulled you over?

Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and *speeding*!

Your client knocked over an ATM.

“He needs your legal advice.“
"Stop breaking the law, asshole!”

I cannot tell a lie, but I can write one!

The pen is blue, the pen is blue, the goddamn pen is blue!

Owie!

“What the hell are you doing?”
“I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind?”

I could keep going.

Second runner up to this is the only other overacted Jim Carrey movie I enjoy, which is Bruce Almighty. But my most quoted line from that movie isn’t even by Carrey himself. It’s the entire scene with Steve Carrell, which TBF and I quote constantly.

We rob banks. And your will to live.

In terms of television watching, last weekend was insanely disappointing.

It’s nobody’s fault but mine. I’m the idiot who chose the viewing material from the library. I had such high hopes. I must choose my viewing material more wisely from now on.

I’ve been on a serious Bonnie and Clyde kick lately. I’ve always had a thing for the couple, leftover because I adored the Looney Tunes cartoon “Bunny and Clyde” (go figure). I very recently read a phenomenal book, Go Down Together: The True, Untold Story of Bonnie and Clyde, by Jeff Guinn. And this really set me off on a kick. I’ve got three other B&C related books out from the library right now. But I’d never seen the 70’s movie.

I really wish I had left it at just reading materials and not gone the movie route.

We will send you to whatever god you wish

I never heard anything about the movie Boondock Saints until an old friend came to visit TBF and I. We hadn't seen him in about five years, and while hanging out, he asked if we'd seen the movie. I went to Blockbuster and rented it for us, and we sat down to watch it. Most unfortunately, I had to work the next day, and had to leave barely 30 minutes into it. It haunted me for months, wanting to see the rest of it. We intended to rent it again, or I was going to get it from the library. Then TBF's husband bought it for her for Valentine's Day. Yes, that is our idea of romance. This is how we roll.

There are so many, many, many things I love about this movie. As I sit down, rewatching (with the library copy that I only have one more day to keep until I owe a fine) and writing this blog, I have absolutely no idea where to begin.