Thursday, August 5, 2010

Movie Meme Day 5: Burn the reels

31 Day Movie Meme

Dumbass

Day 05 - Movie you loathe

Ask me my favorite movie, and I’m going to need a minute to work my thoughts out.

But a movie that I hate? A movie that makes me want to punch the writers, directors, crew, and entire cast?

Yeah, that’s not really a problem for me.

I did not pay money to see There’s Something About Mary in theaters. My mother’s boyfriend rented it well after the fact, and I remember watching it with them, and not laughing even one time throughout the entire film.

This movie was the start of my hatred for all of the actors in it. And when I say I hate them, I mean I really, truly cannot stand the sound of their voice nor the site of their face.

There is nothing amusing about this film. It goes for the stupid jokes each and every time. From the cock and balls stuck in the zipper, to the hair, to the flattened leathery old lady tits. Really? You couldn’t have worked a little harder? Comedies have been around for centuries. If you can’t come up with your own original idea, steal from the best. Don’t throw a bunch of shit together and hope it works.

I despise Cameron Diaz. Her entire persona makes me want to claw her eyes out. Ben Stiller has not been in one decent movie. And Matt Dillon lost any sense of respect I had for him up to this point.

The time I spent watching this movie is time I will never get back. And I’ll never forgive these people for that.

This isn’t the only movie I could’ve chosen from. It actually was a tie between this and South Park: The Movie. There’s also American Pie, though that gets a by because of Alyson Hannigan.

For anyone who anticipated me saying Twilight, I honestly did consider it. However, I said at the beginning that this bullshit would not be discussed at length in this blog. I know eventually that rule will be broken, but not yet. Plus I haven’t seen (nor will I see) the shitty ass movie.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Movie Meme Day 4: What are you laughin’ at?

31 Day Movie Meme

The goddamn pen is blue!

Day 04 - Movie that makes you laugh every time

This one is no contest. From the first time I watched this movie, and every time since, I laugh my coddamn ass off at Liar, Liar.

This movie goes against everything I’m amused by. I hate actors who are overacting hams. Will Ferrell makes my spine ache from his stupidity. I cannot stand Steve Carrell. And in almost all of his roles, Jim Carrey is so overly that I just want to slap him and tell him to knock it the fuck off.

But in this movie, he is absolute perfection. This movie is always my go-to when I’m aggravated, or need a good laugh. The jokes run through my head, and when my mother’s goddaughter was little, we used to do “The Claw” to her, and have her just dying of giggles.

The plot line is fabulous, and so simple you wonder, “Why didn’t I write that?” Not only is it someone who cannot tell a lie no matter what, it’s a lawyer who can’t lie. Brilliant! And he’s a total fucker, which means it’s so deeply ingrained in him that telling the truth is nearly painful.

Jim Carrey does a beautiful job of showing how hard it is for him to tell the truth. The faces that irked me in Ace Ventura were exactly what was needed here. The reactions of everyone around him to his truth telling were also enough to have you peeing on yourself.

There isn’t a down moment. Even when you’re feeling horrible for Max for having such a shitty father, you’re picked back up by the humor.

Some of my favorite moments:

Do you know why I pulled you over?

Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and *speeding*!

Your client knocked over an ATM.

“He needs your legal advice.“
"Stop breaking the law, asshole!”

I cannot tell a lie, but I can write one!

The pen is blue, the pen is blue, the goddamn pen is blue!

Owie!

“What the hell are you doing?”
I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind?”

I could keep going.

Second runner up to this is the only other overacted Jim Carrey movie I enjoy, which is Bruce Almighty. But my most quoted line from that movie isn’t even by Carrey himself. It’s the entire scene with Steve Carrell, which TBF and I quote constantly.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Movie Meme Day 3: Best Oscar Nom

31 Day Movie Meme

Squirrel!

Day 03 - Favorite Oscar-nominated movie from most recent ballot

I neither pay attention to Oscar noms nor watch the Oscars. The most I pay attention to is the fashion on the red carpet. And I don’t even care that much about fashion. So I had to go to my boy with all the knowledge, RyAn, for the list.

It also doesn’t help that I haven’t seen 90% of the movies nominated.

Of the ones I have seen, though, there’s really no contest. I watched Up with TBF and her husband, with my godson crawling around on the floor tangled up in my knitting.

Within the first, what, ten minutes? That movie had me bawling into the couch. Followed rapidly by me laughing my ass off.

There is no badness in this movie. Not only is the plot original and fabulous, the visuals are breathtaking. I mean, the image of balloons exploding from the top of the house alone is a visual orgasm. Then once they get to South America, the woods are so bright and realistic, and Kevin is the most insanely gorgeous creature in any Disney or Pixar movie in history.

The characters are so much fun. As crotchety as Carl is, your heart immediately goes out to him. You saw what he went through, so you can’t fault him for it. The earnestness of Russell is at first rather annoying, but eventually the realization starts to kick in that there’s more going on with this kid’s back story then we’re being told. Once it comes out, it’s all gooey heart melt.

And, of course, we would be remiss if we left out Dug. TBF told me that there would be a line that would make me fall over laughing. The minute Dug stopped mid-sentence and shrieked, “Squirrel!” I almost peed on myself. That is essentially exactly what I do. It’s really bad. And that is what most people take away from the movie, and it’s too perfect.

I personally think this should have won Best Picture. Take that, Oscars.

And if it weren't this one, it would be RyAn's pick, which he summed up beautifully.

Screw Body Fascism

I knew nothing about Gina Torres’ new show Huge when Whedonesque said it was premiering. As a matter of fact, I learned about it the day it actually was premiering. I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I’m not keeping up with my people the way I used to.

I set my DVR up to record the show, then promptly ignored it. If I haven’t mentioned it 100 times before, I’m picky about the television shows I watch, and I’m very rarely super excited to jump into a new one.

Finally, I watched the first episode last week. Then I promptly watched the remaining five episodes.

I absolutely freaking love this show.

Will

Bypassing Gina Torres for a moment, let’s discuss Nikki Blonsky. I didn’t jump on the Hairspray remake bandwagon immediately. Zac Effron actually is a Whedon alumni (baby Simon in an episode of Firefly), and I’m a John Travolta fan. But it was a remake of a movie I hold near and dear, and how could anyone possibly take the place of Rikki Lake and Divine in my heart?

I actually bawled my eyes out watching Hairspray. I can’t help it, I’m a big beautiful bitch in my own right, and seeing fat chicks win the gold always makes me happy.

Cut to Huge. This show is actually REALLY depressing. Hell, in the first episode we lose a character because of Bulimia. It’s hard to get more depressing than that unless you show someone slitting their wrists after running over their pet kitten while staring at a picture of their dead mother.

The character Nikki plays, Will, is proud of her fat. Mind you, she’s proud of it as a defense mechanism rather than downright love of her poundage. And that’s okay, because this is ABC Family, for christ’s sake. They need to do something to make up for Pretty Little Liars (which I also record, for Bianca Lawson. We won’t discuss that train wreck)

But Will is a smart ass. She’s a “rebel”. She has fatspiration on her bunk, and she sells contraband Twinkies. There is no bad here. She’s snarky and mean spirited, but damaged. How much fun is this going to be?

Dorothy

Gina Torres is one of the top 10 most gorgeous women alive. She’s also a phenomenal actress. I’ve seen her in some truly horrendous roles (Cleopatra 2525, anyone?), but she plays with real integrity and sharp skills. I enjoy everything she does, and she doesn’t disappoint in this. Her stoic nature is brilliant as a camp director, and the quiet pain of dealing with her father and lying to her mother is just…she brought tears to my eyes, I’m not even going to lie.

That chick who...

It’s hard to focus on any of the other campers, just because there are a lot of them and I’m not good with their names. Mostly it’s “The girl who ___” and “The guy who ___”. I know Amber, solely because if I was a camper in this world, I would do everything in my power to make her life miserable because she’s the pretty one. But this is a wonderfully diverse group of actors. And it’s about damn time we saw some pudgealicious people on television.

Becca

I particularly enjoyed when, in the second episode, the bitchy girls squealed and giggled about the book that was an obviously thinly veiled reference to Twilight, then later in the same episode, the awesome girl (Becca, so says IMDB) is quietly reading Hunger Games. Now, I could cry foul that attention was paid to a rip-off of that shitty tripe. But then I realized, Twilight was never mentioned by name. Instead, the stupid girls are shown loving it. And the smart and lovely girl is shown reading the actual book. Awesomecakes.

That happiness was destroyed when two episodes later they watched the movie based on that book. But I rather enjoyed that the fake version was as cheesy and horrible as its basis.

More people need to be watching this show. It’s so enjoyable, and I truly hope it continues for many seasons.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Movie Meme Day 2: Why haven’t you seen this?

31 Day Movie Meme

Have you seen my stapler?

Day 02 - Movie that you think more people should see

It never ceases to shock me when I find out someone hasn’t seen Office Space.

Admittedly, I came into the game late myself. I only saw it about four or five years ago. After watching it, I was horrified that it had taken me so long.

This movie puts the cult in cult classic. The humor is brilliant, but with enough slapstick goofballness to keep the less academically minded (like me ::cough::) happy.

Ron Livingston is amazing as Peter. From the beginning, with his hatred of the drone lifestyle, to his realization that he doesn’t have to follow the same dreadfulness day in and day out. And in a series of events that would never happen in real life, his slackerness leads to praise and protection.

Each of the characters in supporting roles are perfection, but of course the greatest (and most quoted) one is Milton. People know the classic stapler line without even having seen the movie. You can quote him completely out of context of the movie and people will be amused.

I’m not a Jennifer Aniston fan, so I choose to tap dance around that subject. She was fine here.

But the quotes from this movie are ridiculously keepable. As with all cult classics, it’s a situation where, when someone quotes the movie, there’s an audible gasp and the exclamation of, “You’ve seen Office Space, too!”

I think this should be one of those movies that did so good in the movie theaters that it lasted there for months, then sold massive amounts of VHS and DVDs. As it is, I think this movie is on the $5 rack.

Which means everyone has a reason to buy and watch it.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Movie Meme Day 1: Sequels That Suck

31 Day Movie Meme

Why, god? Why? Day 01 - Sequel that should not have been made

There is SO much to choose from with this category. Bring it On Again (and again and again). Cruel Intentions 2. Wild Things (same plot, 4x more tits). But my brain actually picked this out first.

I am a huge fan of The Crow. In 1994, I was 12 years old, and this movie was god for me. I mourned Brandon Lee’s death, because he was absolutely incredible in this movie, and we would never get to see that talent (or, let’s face it, that face) in any other roles. It didn’t help that all of the interviews done with him talked of how this movie was his destiny. That’ll break a 12 year old girl’s heart faster than you can say “Damaged boys are sexy”.

In 1996, The Crow: City of Angels came out. My 14 year old brain was absolutely HORRIFIED that they would even think of making a sequel to a movie where the main actor died. However, since it was a sequel to a movie I loved, I made plans with friends to see it. I almost vomited up my popcorn.

I heard they were making YET ANOTHER ONE, and I vowed never to see it. I didn’t care if Johnny Depp was the main character, I was NOT GOING TO SEE ANY MORE CROW SEQUELS.

Those motherfuckers went and put Boreanaz in one. And of course, me being the stupid Whedonite I am, I caved. Eddie Furlong was not a selling point, despite Terminator 2/Pet Cemetary 2 love. He did not age well. Also, what’s with him and the sequels?

I found out while looking up dates on IMDB that a television show was also created. Apparently it lasted -1 seasons. As well it should. I’m ignoring the rumors I hear that they are remaking the original movie.

Hollywood needs to leave well enough alone. Back off the sequels and for cod’s sake, STOP remaking things. Unless it’s Tim Burton, who has permission from me to remake anything he damn well pleases.

Except The Crow, with Johnny Depp. As already stated above.

31 Day Movie Meme

Blame RyAn. Also, thank him for my ass kicking header image. I'm the only one to be blamed for the horrendous color scheme. I suck at color schemes.

But considering how long it's taking me to write the 800 entries I have in my head, I guess this is a good thing that there's (da da da da!) another 31 day meme.

The 31 day movie meme!

Day 01 - Sequel that should not have been made
Day 02 - Movie that you think more people should see
Day 03 - Favorite Oscar-nominated movie from most recent ballot
Day 04 - Movie that makes you laugh every time
Day 05 - Movie you loathe
Day 06 - Movie that makes you cry every time
Day 07 - Least favorite movie by a favorite actor or actress
Day 08 - Movie that should be required high school viewing
Day 09 - Best scene ever
Day 10 - A movie you thought you wouldn't like but ended up loving
Day 11 - A movie that disappointed you (Guest blog by Lori
Day 12 - Best soundtrack/background music in a scene
Day 13 - Favorite animated movie
Day 14 - Favorite film in black and white
Day 15 - Best musical
Day 16 - Your guilty pleasure movie

Day 17 - Favorite series of related movies
Day 18 - Favorite title sequence

Day 19 - Best movie cast
Day 20 - Favorite kiss (Guest blog by Liz)
Day 21 - Favorite romantic couple
Day 22 - Favorite final scene/line
Day 23 - Best explosion or action scene

Day 24 - Quote you use most often
Day 25 - A movie you plan on watching (old or new)

Day 26 - Freakishly weird movie ending
Day 27 - Best villain
Day 28 - Most over-hyped movie
Day 29 - Movie you have watched more than ten times
Day 30 - Saddest death scene
Day 31 - Scene that made you stand up and cheer