Movie Meme Day 11: Kingdom of the Crystal Crap

Hi. The first thing I should tell you is that this is not your Bunny speaking. Bunny is off being all jet setting hot shit, so instead of Bunny goodness, you get me. Who the hell am I? I'm Lori. I've known Bunny for about a million years, and we like each other. Yes, we like each other like that, too. For all you pervs out there. If you'd like to like me too, I can be found on Twitter. I also blog over at Oh Shit, She's Awake.

But enough about me.

This is supposed to be about Meme. A movie meme to be exact.

Day 11 - A movie that disappointed you.

Oh, Indy.
Why? Why Indy, why?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull disappointed me more than almost any other. It shook me to my core; it broke my heart. It almost ripped apart the seams of my childhood. I wanted to like this movie. I wanted to like this movie so much that I was willing to forgive the fact that Shia LeBeouf was in it, playing Indy's son Mutt. Yeah, that's right. Mutt.

Shia LeBeouf of the Keanu Reeves school of acting, in which actors learn the fine craft of playing the same character in every film they are in. Seriously. Watch Transformers, then watch Crystal Skull. Same bumbling, idiotic character. Different clothes. Perhaps if they'd have had Shia naked in both movies, there's have been something to look at.

Or more likely, movie goers would have been wondering "where's the LeBeouf." Okay, that was bad even by my standards. But it was about as hackneyed as Shia's performance in Crystal Skull.

Cate Blanchette over-acted and over-accented her way into my "holy shit that was bad" hall of fame with her portrayal of the evil Irina. And that hair. Oh, the hair. Wrong on so very many levels.

Don't even get me started on the whole alien angle.

Aliens? Really?
Why'd it have to be... aliens.

As far as I'm concerned, the only saving grace for this movie was the reuniting of Ford's Indy with his long lost love Marion - played, thankfully, by the original Marion, Karen Allen. The spark from the very first movie was a most welcome sight. The dialogue came easily between the two. Almost like they'd successfully done it before or something.

And most unlike any of the strained and uncomfortable dialogue between any of the other characters.

Don't get me wrong. I still love Indy. I will always love Indy. He's a big part of my childhood. And I still love all of the other movies. It's just that this one was painful for me to watch. Not because the performances were sub-par. Not because the plot was unnecessarily complex.

Not even because Indy's gotten older. Hell, we've all gotten older. That doesn't mean that we can't still go on an adventure and kick a little ass.

What I missed was the sheer, undiluted joy of the first three. The sit back, relax and take me for a ride feeling that came along with the other Indy romps. Hell, even Temple of Doom was better, and that was the weakest of the first three films.

But it still had heart.

Crystal Skull lacked heart.

Maybe the aliens took it.

Stupid aliens.


Trailer for the movie that never really was.... *sigh*

Movie Meme Day 10 - How do you like them apples?

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 10 - A movie you thought you wouldn't like but ended up loving

No, TBF. I am not watching Good Will Hunting. Why? Because it looks stupid.

No. No. No. Why? Why would I want to watch any movie with Matt Damon in it? Or Ben Affleck when Kevin Smith’s name isn’t attached to the picture?

No. No. No. Look, I brought other movies for us to watch! Let’s watch Can’t Hardly Wait again! Or Rock of Love, which I despise! Or paint dry!

Please no?

Come ON, I watched Shrek 3 for you! Why must you make me watch movies I don’t want to?

FINE. FINE. But if I hate it, it’s on your head.

Well, that was funny.

Okay, that was sweet.

OMG he is not singing “Afternoon Delight”!

Awwww. That was sweet.

Okay, I’m an idiot.

--

The best friend lives for me telling her I’m an idiot and she was right. As do I, for the record.

Movie Meme Day 9 - Causing a scene

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 09 - Best scene ever

This meme is way harder than the TV meme. I guess I am more movie-minded than TV minded. Unless we’re talking BTVS, of course.

To come up with this, I figured I would run my top 10 list through my head. First movie on the list is Labyrinth, my all-time favorite movie for life. I’ve seen some amazing movies in my life, but none has surpassed it for pure charm, humor, music, and happiness.

There is so much to love in the movie, but the staircase puzzle set to Within You made such a huge impression on me when I was little. I could walk out of the room during any other scene in the movie, but as soon as I heard the opening chords signifying this scene was starting, I would run back into the room.

First of all, the scenery is absolutely incredible. Jareth running up and down the stairs, walking upside down and sideways. Toby appearing upside down, the crystal bouncing up the steps to him. Sarah running all over trying to get to him, Jareth appearing and disappearing. Walking through her, coming up from underneath. Yes, the effects were very 80’s, but they were lovely 80’s. Jim Henson did it up, and he did it well.

If there’s one thing you should learn about me, it’s that I’m a music fiend. So it would only make sense that a musical would be my ideal movie. David Bowie singing in a muppet movie? There is no bad.

From the first moment we see the stairs until she jumps, it’s just a truly, truly amazing scene.

How you turned my world, you precious thing
You starve and near exhaust me
Everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one

Movie Meme Day 8 - That is so high school

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 08 - Movie that should be required high school viewing

I struggled with this category today. A movie so meaningful that all high schoolers should see it? I’m constantly seeing books that should be mandatory for high schoolers, but movies?

Obviously this would have to be something deep and meaningful, with a strong message. And you know, my brain just doesn’t feel up to it today. Fuck strong message. High school is full of angst, and pain. You’re so busy in your own head trying to fit in, or not fit in. Worrying about bullies or problems at home, or finding your own identity. Why the hell would you want someone telling you, “This is so deep and meaningful you must see it!”

Fuck that shit. Let’s dance.

I had the advantage of having unconventional parents. They were 21 years old when I was born, and they didn’t know what the hell they were doing, so my sister and I got to experience things some kids might be sheltered from for awhile. Rock concerts, R rated movies, etc, etc, etc. And when I was very very young, I got to experience Rocky Horror Picture Show. And while I didn’t in ANY way understand what I was seeing, I loved every bit of it. So much brightness and movement and singing, and dancing. Fabulous. I continued to watch it over and over throughout my life, and as the plot finally started to sink in, I loved it more and more.

Every high school student needs to not only watch this movie, they need to go to a midnight screening and throw toast and toilet paper. If I were a high school teacher, that would be a mandatory field trip.

At the very least, they should all be able to do The Time Warp. The best episode of MTV’s horrid My Super Sweet Sixteen was the granddaughter of the inventor of Spam. Her party was utterly original and unconventional, and she made everyone learn the dance and do it at her party. Brilliant.

Movie Meme Day 7: Why would you do this to me?

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 07 - Least favorite movie by a favorite actor or actress

How does one choose Eliza Dushku’s worst movie? I mean, there is an awful lot to choose from.

The best way to work that out, though, is to look at the acting skills. I don’t just love Eliza because she’s the sexiest woman alive. I adore her because she is an insanely talented actress. Who happens to be the sexiest woman alive.

My first go-to horrid movie of hers is Soul Survivors, but she is actually really great in that movie. Her best roles involve her being some form of a badass, and she fulfills that beautifully in that movie. I just have to forget that the plot makes no sense and the acting of everyone else is worthy of eye stabbage.

Then there’s Wrong Turn. Dear god, was that a wrong turn for her career. But she plays horrified hill people kidnap victim very nicely, and she gets to be a bit of a fighting badass.

Open Graves. The Kiss. City by the Sea. I mean, we could keep going. But the movie that really, really shames me to say I’ve seen it because of her is The New Guy.

I had such promise for the movie before I saw it. I mean, Eliza rides a damn bull. And the video of her trying on bikinis made its way across the internet to me, and gave me shiny happy thoughts.

But…have you seen the movie? That is a waste of a good actress if ever there was one. I cannot imagine why she agreed to appear in this movie, though I can understand why the casting director chose her. You want a shitty script to succeed? Put a sexy woman in the main role.

She’s a cheerleader without the slightest bit of sexiness that she had in Bring it On. She falls all over the geeky kid, while playing a balancing act with the asshole boyfriend that she can’t seem to shove to the side on her own.

And the writing is so god awful that her talent as an actress is pretty much gone. If you were to judge Eliza solely based on this movie, I could understand why you would question her being my favorite actress.

Sad. So sad.

Movie Meme Day 6: Something in my eye

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 06 - Movie that makes you cry every time

I love these questions that are quick answers.

I don’t know how old I was the first time I saw Fried Green Tomatoes. It came out in ‘91, and if I saw it then, I don’t think I felt the full impact for many years.

I know I watched it with my mother, because we attempted to cook fried green tomatoes on our own. They did not fair well in our hands.

This movie is so light and funny, while being so heart wrenching with a very severe message all at the same time. This movie covers so many different levels of pain, from severe racism to death and dismemberment. But above all else, it’s a story about friendship.

Anyone who knows me knows just how deeply I cherish friendships. I don’t waste my time with acquaintances. You’re either a very close friend, or you’re just someone whose name I know. If you’re my friend, you’re mine. I will chew through steel bars to protect you. My mama lion instincts come out hardcore for friends. And because of that, this movie drags out all of my tears, kicking and screaming.

The relationship between Ruth and Idgie is my favorite friendship in any movie or television show in history. One could look at it as a lesbian relationship, and yes, I can see that angle. But my relationship with TBF gets transfered onto theirs, so I see it as a gorgeous, true deep friendship.

I was horrified to discover that TBF had never seen this movie. I rented it, and sat down at her house with a box of kleenex between us. And I was not surprised to see her grab one out of the corner of my eye.

My two favorite (heart wrenching) quotes from the movie:

Mr. Percy: Why did you go with Idgie Threadgoode?
Ruth: Because she... she's the best friend I ever had, and I love her.

Sipsey: Miss Ruth was a lady. And a lady always knows when to leave.

I’m tearing up now, in fact.

A beautiful movie, with amazing humor and soul ripping sadness.

Movie Meme Day 5: Burn the reels

31 Day Movie Meme

Day 05 - Movie you loathe

Ask me my favorite movie, and I’m going to need a minute to work my thoughts out.

But a movie that I hate? A movie that makes me want to punch the writers, directors, crew, and entire cast?

Yeah, that’s not really a problem for me.

I did not pay money to see There’s Something About Mary in theaters. My mother’s boyfriend rented it well after the fact, and I remember watching it with them, and not laughing even one time throughout the entire film.

This movie was the start of my hatred for all of the actors in it. And when I say I hate them, I mean I really, truly cannot stand the sound of their voice nor the site of their face.

There is nothing amusing about this film. It goes for the stupid jokes each and every time. From the cock and balls stuck in the zipper, to the hair, to the flattened leathery old lady tits. Really? You couldn’t have worked a little harder? Comedies have been around for centuries. If you can’t come up with your own original idea, steal from the best. Don’t throw a bunch of shit together and hope it works.

I despise Cameron Diaz. Her entire persona makes me want to claw her eyes out. Ben Stiller has not been in one decent movie. And Matt Dillon lost any sense of respect I had for him up to this point.

The time I spent watching this movie is time I will never get back. And I’ll never forgive these people for that.

This isn’t the only movie I could’ve chosen from. It actually was a tie between this and South Park: The Movie. There’s also American Pie, though that gets a by because of Alyson Hannigan.

For anyone who anticipated me saying Twilight, I honestly did consider it. However, I said at the beginning that this bullshit would not be discussed at length in this blog. I know eventually that rule will be broken, but not yet. Plus I haven’t seen (nor will I see) the shitty ass movie.