Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Depahted

I'll nevah watch the movie again!
After GoNY, I sat down to watch The Departed. This makes one more Scorcese movie to add to my seen list. I’ve only got about 20 left to go. He makes beautifully done movies, but I just never get the chance to watch them. Hunh. Since Jack Nicholson is in this one, I have no excuse not to watch it. I mean, for crying out loud, I watched Anger Management. He owes me.

The “Bahston” accent in this movie is choking me. A neighbor of my mother’s, who is a serious cunt of a woman, has this accent, which means I hate it almost as much as a Wisconsin accent (after my 6th grade Religion teacher whose life I made absolutely miserable, for fun) (don’t look at me like that, she deserved it). But the accent is coming out of actors I have a great deal of respect for, so I have to shut up and deal with it.

I already discussed my love for DiCaprio in my review of GoNY, so let’s skip over him for now. If I removed Kevin Smith movies from Matt Damon’s resume, I don’t know that I would be a real fan of him. Don’t get me wrong, Good Will Hunting was a great movie, but I didn’t exactly watch it because he was in it. However, Damon was in Dogma, which may be my favorite Kevin Smith movie. If Kevin Smith likes an actor enough to cast him multiple times, I have to figure there’s more there than meets the eye.

Batman was my introduction to Jack Nicholson. I immediately loved him, and quoted him for weeks afterwards until my older sister was ready to slam my head into a wall. He’s got a seriously great voice, and a wickedly creepy look. I dislike him in comedy roles, but his dark comedy, such as in Batman, is what I live for. As a mafia boss in this movie, he is spot-on perfection. The scene in the porn theater with the dildo was his kind of humor. And I enjoyed it.

Mark Wahlberg is a good actor. A respectable actor. A very handsome man. All of that being said? He’s Marky Mark. I cannot see him without hearing, “I got those…GOOD VIBRATIONS! Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Sensations…” I’m going to hell for that, because he really is a good actor. He was in The Italian Job, which is such a damn good movie. He irritates me in this, as the stereotypical hardass cop who likes to make pussy jokes and yell at people. I’ve only seen him twice in this movie and I’m already tired of him. I’ll see if he changes my mind as the movie goes on.

Martin Sheen is a decent enough actor, but I can’t forgive him for the birth of Charlie Sheen. He also produced Emilio Estevez, which is a positive, but any man responsible for the waste of sperm that is Charlie is hard to forgive.

Scorcese definitely enjoys his trademarks. The Rolling Stones, for one thing.I’m pretty sure Gimme Shelter has been used in at least two other movies of his. Also, his enjoyment of throwing around racial epithets. It makes me highly uncomfortable.

The version of Comfortably Numb used in the movie and the trailer is seriously irritating. I am so terribly confused by the fact that, according to all the information I’ve seen, it’s done by Roger Waters. This doesn’t sound one infinitesimal bit like Pink Floyd. It sounds like Pink Floyd with some dumb schmuck putting his voice in it. Like bad karaoke. It is HORRIFYING. What was wrong with the original song that they had to slaughter it like that? For crying out loud.

But I do like that they had the Dropkick Murphys on there.

An image from the movie just for me!
Okay. WTF just happened?

It took me quite a few weeks to get back to this entry. I hated the movie so much I couldn’t be bothered to even look at this entry.

Wonderful actors, wonderful acting job. But seriously? What the hell was the plot of this movie? What was with the ending?

I asked my friend Meg (who is also from Bahston) what happened, and her answer was essentially "Well, we assume…" No. I like open ended movies, where you wonder, “Oh, wow, what happens next?!” This movie made me go, “What happened before?”

There was absolutely nothing that told me how Marky Mark’s character found out who the mole was. Nothing. I’m so confused my head hurts.

And what’s with the sudden Reservoir Dogs action? Everyone gets shot and that’s the end of the movie?

Seriously, I hated this movie so much I don’t believe there are words for my annoyance. And liking the cast pisses me off even more.

Jack Nicholson now owes me TWICE.


  1. Ah, Jaaack. He's a bad boy, and that's what he's best at.

    Also, Bun, dudette, do not go into battle for Labyrinth, Princess Bride, and Mandy Pa-seen-him-three-times-in-concert-and-he-always-ends-with-Inigo's-line-tinkin without me again! I got your back, but I am, of course, Twitterless.

    And if anyone ever trounces Casablanca or Citizen Kane or, heaven help them, the original Muppet Movie...

  2. This is Shawn's favorite movie. Aaaaaaand.... I don't get it. :/ The best I can come up with is that its a boy movie and boys are weird. :P

  3. dicaprio told his and damon's mutual gf to give the recorded to phone calls to marky mark if anything happened to him. this movie was awesome, pay attention next time. also, a good way to know that it was good is how mad you get at the ending. i was so pissed at first when dicaprio died and thought damon was such a shithead that it made me realize how much i connected with the characters.