Wednesday, April 14, 2010

King of the Looney Bin

Bones was about 5 or 6 episodes into its fourth season when I stopped having cable access. More accurately, when I stopped having a DVR to tell me when the show was on. I also didn't have internet, so it went the way of all my other beloved shows. Two seasons behind.

I knew it was only a matter of time until I got caught up (yes, it took mid-season 5 for me to do so). But I was such a spoiler fiend during Buffy's run that I'm quite adept at avoiding spoilers. I wasn't worried at all.

What's that? Boreanaz is on Craig Ferguson? I LOVE Boreanaz! I love Craig Ferguson! What could POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

If it's not totally apparent? I am a dumbass. Natural blonde, in fact. The red hair dye only adds so much artificial intelligence.

So, as I sat down to watch the library's copy of Season 4 of Bones, I was so heavily spoiled I was miserable. I knew about the brain tumor. I knew about the amnesia. And I also knew that eventually, if not this season then the next, there was some hot monkey loving between my two favorite platonic partners. (All the other TV partners I tend to want to have hot monkey loving.)

It should be noted that my library's copy of Season 4 started on episode five. I don't know what the hell was up with that, I'm still irritated. It wasn't that the disc was missing. Oh, no. Disc One, Episode "One" was in fact episode five. I only know this because of a strange compulsive habit I have which you all have no need to know about.

Luckily I was caught up to that point, so I was only mildly cranky.

Season four lacks two of my favorite things. Zach, and Angela/Hodgins. Zach, while spastic and dry, is so much fun to watch. He's like a little Gremlin. Don't feed him after midnight, don't get him wet, and make sure to pet him and tell him how cute he is. And they went and made him a mass murderer's apprentice. I was highly sad at the end of Season 3. Highly. And we only saw him twice all season. Really? Really? Throw me an effing bone here.

There was ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to break up Angela and Hodgins. None. Zero. Zip. Nada. There was NO BAD about their relationship. Angela such a free spirit, Hodgins so wonderfully funny and loving. My favorite not-Booth-and-Bones-centric scene in the show was at the end of the first Gravedigger episode, when Hodgins hadn't slept because of the trauma, and Angela told him he was coming home with her. I cried. I am getting misty remembering it, and I want to watch it again. I only own Season 1. That wasn't on that season, was it? I need to rent Season 2 again. Tomorrow.

They should've been married and had adorably hippie babies. But no. They went and broke them up and pissed me off. And then the entirety of this season, they played with my emotions. I wanted to like Roxie. I didn't. She was pointless, and she broke my hippie girl's heart. Daddy should've come after her instead. Speaking of which. How much do I love that Billy Gibbons plays Angela's father?

I'm a big ZZ Top fan. Ever since I was a little girl and watched the "Legs" video. The car. The spinning guitars. The beards. Those frilly socks. There is nothing to not love about that as a child. And as I grew up, I appreciated the music even more. So in Season 1, when he showed up as Angela's "kind of famous" father, I flipped. And in every cameo he's made, he's made my cold black music-loving heart go pittery pat.

His performance this season was PHENOMENAL. His scene with Angela in the diner was sweetness personified, and when Hodgins wakes up in the desert at the end of the episode, I had to stop the DVD from laughing so hard. That is a true Texan boy. But it was Roxie who deserved the ass whuppin'.

Cam has always been a non player for me. I didn't like her when she first came in, I preferred Brennan's boss from Season 1. But she has grown on me, slowly but surely, and this season she knocked it out of the ballpark. Her character centric episode was heartbreaking perfection. I was so upset for her when Michelle didn't remember her, and then the realization kicked in, and when the teen cried, I bawled. And when the salt and pepper shakers were back together again, I was crying uncontrollably. I look forward to seeing more of their relationship dynamic when I catch up with season 5. (Look for that sometime around mid-Season 6…)

I hate Sweets. I mean, I really hate him. He had character development, and even a romantic interest. But I find him grating and want desperately to fast forward past him. Why do they even keep him around? They picked the perfect love interest for him, it should be pointed out. Someone just as annoying as he is. His personal story in the death metal episode was sad, but Booth's was sadder. So piss off, Sweets.

The revolving interns reminds me of Season 4 of House, where he had to pick a new team. But less funny. I was excited to see how he was going to torture the people in the running, and what insanity they would be put through, and I couldn't wait to see his final picks. Here? I kind of just don't care. They're background characters, and straight men to Hodgins and Angela. Clark is great as the uber professional who just WANTS TO WORK, can't you leave me alone?! And of course the goth/emo/insert-your-own-stereotype Fisher is good for a chuckle, because you know he's going to turn everything into something depressing and morbid. But even that gets old fast. British guy's fun facts are…well, fun. And I love a Brit accent. But he's totally pointless, as is White Bread, aka Wesley. I managed to catch one episode of Season 5, so I know the story behind Muslim Guy. Which makes him less fun.

And we've already discussed Daisy, who needs a shiv to the kidneys.

Fire them all and just video-conference Zach. He could do plenty via video. Really.

Aside from the main cast, the guest stars were awesome this season. Mostly because of Gina Torres' presence.

I love Gina. It was such a non-brainer for her to come on the show. She and David were amazing together on Angel, and she was so sassy on this. Loved her!

Also Bianca Lawson, who is a perfectly fine actress when she's not doing that stupid Jamaican accent from BTVS, and that guy from Seventh Heaven whose name I can't remember. He did an incredible job himself. Also, Mayim Bialik. That was a big surprise to me.

This season was also lacking a theme. I'm sure if asked, the writers and directors and executive producers could tell me a theme. And their theme would be "Booth and Bones are in love and won't admit it." I refuse to accept this theme, because it is stupid. There is no point to hooking up these two characters. They are one of the best onscreen partner pairings around. Other favorites of mine include Benson and Stabler from L&O: SVU (yes to them hooking up) and Castle and Beckett from Castle. I'd love to see Nathan and Stana couple up on screen, because they're beautiful, but really, that's another pairing better with heavy flirtation and much mocking.

Bones and Booth have had an incredible friendship and partnership from the jump. Their best scenes are the ones where they are taking care of each other. But this works because they are such close friends, and have such deep love and respect for each other. You go hooking them up and we are going to LOSE THAT. There is a line that will be crossed. And if someone tries to throw a "But Brennan is so logical and rational" at me, I will swiftly boot you through a window.

No theme. Booth and Brennan love each other, and Booth is hallucinating. By the second hallucination, I saw that they were foreshadowing his tumor. Then the third hallucination hit, and I almost stopped watching. Really, Bones? Really? You're going to sic Family Guy on me? Not everyone worships at the feet of stupid comedy. I hate that show, and all you did by bringing Stewie in was agitate me and make me want to fast forward through the scene. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, SCENES. You kept bringing him back. I hate Fox enough as it is, you really want to remind me you're on the same channel and ergo don’t deserve my watching time.

David Boreanaz is an incredible actor. He's technically the reason I started watching Buffy. Angelus and the Tight Leather Pants o'Fun. Come for the abs, stay for the storylines and those other people. He shines in this role as he couldn't on BTVS/Angel. But he still flashes the Angel once every few episodes. No one broods like my big foreheaded boy. But Angel never got to wear fun socks, or dance to great 80's music. Or wear rather annoying belt buckles that I was SO SURE was going to finally disappear this season, only to be brought back in what was actually a very sweet moment. Damn you, Boreanaz!

Speaking of which, ask me how I know this could never be his son. No, wait, don't ask me that.

Emily Deschanel is gorgeous. That goes without saying. But this season, she looked especially pretty.

No, not because of those.

I don't know if they did something with her hair, or her wardrobe, or what. Or maybe I'm just appreciating her more now that I've fallen head over heels in love with her sister Zooey. Who knows? But her acting has always blown me away on this show, and this season was spectacular. Not only did she make me cry so many times I couldn't even keep up with it, she kicked someone's ass twice. Sweet!

It also seems she borrowed a blouse from her sister's movie 500 Days of Summer. Both drove me insane because of the tightness at the breasts. Is it really that difficult to get a blouse tailored to avoid that damn puckering? How is that fashionable?

I love the humor on this show. I really do. Hodgins is my favorite for the verbal humor, but Boreanaz is amazing for the physical. Seeing him here is such a 180 from his role on Angel.

But this season was a fun one, Stewie not withstanding. The interns, the poor dead guy being carted around, Booth at home wasted on pain meds. The lap dance.

But the show also grosses me out more than any other show ever. Even more than CSI's TMIcam. I mean, seriously. It's just excessively icky.

Overall, very good season. A few things that made me cranky, but the final episode really did make up for it. I thought I had a brain tumor when Motley Crue came out and sang Dr Feelgood. Seriously.

Looking forward to watching Season 5. In about a year.

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